It’s always so frustrating when you realize that now that you’ve gone through a Divorce (or even after death of your spouse), things change drastically with regards to your upcoming Retirement. When you are going through your divorce some of the things you need to consider are:
Women Have Less Income to Save
Loss of the Home
No More Shared Costs
Women Need to Be Financially Smart After a Divorce
In 2013, the National Center for Family and Marriage Released a surprising study that showed divorce rates between adults 50 and older have doubled between 1990 and 2010. Now, 1 in 4 divorces in the United States are between couples over 50. On some level, this is good news. It means that the lower stigma …
We have gained a lot of equality with the 19th Amendment, but it would seem that we still have a long way to go.
When you are going through a Divorce there isn’t always the same “equality” that we as women know we deserve.
It took decades of tireless effort and hell-raising. The Seneca Falls Convention happened in 1848. The women who pushed and prodded and protested and paraded in the intervening years faced fierce opposition. You can see some of the mocking, unfathomably stupid postcards produced in response to their demands at Collector’s Weekly. This piece from the Library of Congress relates the scene at the 1913 Women’s Suffrage Parade in D.C., which drew marchers from all over the country. It sounds terrifying, frankly:
There are so many things to think about when you are going through or preparing for Divorce. We want to believe that it will work out easily, but that is not always the case.
Be sure that you have someone working on your behalf – a reputable attorney who knows what she is doing…..
Division of property, also known as equitable distribution, is a judicial division of property rights and obligations between spouses during divorce. It may be done by agreement, through a property settlement, or by judicial decree.
When I went through my own divorce in 2013, I was so glad that my attorney was as knowledgeable as she was. One of my concerns was exactly that – how to “fairly” and “equitably” divide things up. We had been married almost 33 years, so I knew that I should receive spousal support. But of course the EX didn’t want to share his income and wanted to fight me tooth and nail. One detail that my attorney shared with me was that he could fight and take me to court – or he could work with me on a settlement. She told me that once I had served my EX with the divorce papers, she would file a stipulation as per the law, (Sargent v. Sargent), which would require HIM to be responsible to pay ALL attorney fees!! And she said that she was being “conservative,” and if we were to continue battling in court it would be a minimum of $25,000. EACH in attorney’s fees, that the EX would have to pay.
It definitely made me feel better to know that I had options — I started to feel more positive — that I would get through this entire process.
Having gone through this and come out on the other side a much stronger and confident woman has shown me that I can do it! And you can too. If you have more questions about preparing for and going through your own divorce, perhaps we can help.
Take a look at our website for more information and resources —
Getting Divorced? It all seems like it’s falling apart. You’ve probably been married quite a while and thought that it would last forever. You may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster – up and down, not sure where to start or what to do. It will be hard, but don’t let your heavy heart prevent you from knowing and believing that you can stand on your own; financially, emotionally and HAPPILY!!
Working towards personal financial goals will help to increase your sense of INDEPENDENCE. It will distract you from dwelling on the heartbreak of your divorce by focusing on your own self-improvement. Just know that you are experiencing a new found INDEPENDENCE!
And it’s good for your brain because the sense of accomplishment that accompanies meeting a goal can create positive chemical reactions in your brain which, in turn, can improve your mood. You can become stable and secure with your personal finances during and after your divorce.
Here’s how:
Feel comfortable again * It’s time to set some GOALS
Decide on a long-term goal – Make it Specific
Focus on the first goal. After you have accomplished the first step, think about the next one and continue from there.
Each step to the goal must be manageable
Keep each one simple – don’t be too ambitious. Set yourself up to succeed by starting out slow. Start with the intention to increase as you go forward. You need to remember to be FLEXIBLE and FORGIVING. There may be some times that you veer off from your plan, but don’t bother about it – you can start over if you need to and get yourself back on track.
Reward yourself
Accomplishing steps towards goals can create those positive chemical reactions in the brain. But sometimes we need more to keep us motivated. Try to reward yourself with something each time you achieve a step towards your goal.
Achieving Financial Independence
It’s not always a good idea to let others have total control of your financial situation during a marriage. But if you have finally made the decision to take back control of your financial destiny, then a brand new world can start to open for you. You will realize that your abilities, talents and experiences will help you to achieve a much greater sense of freedom, with happiness sprinkled in along the way. The journey to financial INDEPENDENCE is not an easy one. It is an important one that is entirely up to you on how you want your future to look.
Understanding where you are right now will allow you to map out where you ultimately need to go. Even though where you currently are in your life can seem to be unpleasant, it is vital to your empowerment process.
Plan your financial goals
Take inventory of your existing finances
Decide what to keep and what to let go of
Map out how much money you have and how much income you need to generate or receive to give you financial security
Plan your financial future
Start to re-create your own credit and financial history
You have to reestablish yourself with completely separate finances. By cancelling all joint credit cards and starting over you can establish your own credit score and financial history. Advise all financial institutions and creditors that you are no longer responsible for any future debts. Know where every penny is and where it is going.
Take charge and get excited about your future
More opportunities will come your way when you are taking charge of your new world. Stay focused on what you need to do to succeed financially.
a journey of 1000 miles
How do you start?
Establish new accounts in your name alone:
Open a checking account.
A checking account gives you the ability to easily manage your money. You can have your paychecks and usually child support direct deposited. A checking account will enable you to pay bills and stay on top of your finances.
Open a savings account.
Or, two or three — one for each of your financial goals; emergency fund, down payment fund, college fund — you get the idea.
Create a new budget.
Hopefully you and your ex had a household budget, if not the new you will want to have one. Your budget should reflect your current situation and balance your income with all of your expenses.
Establish or fix credit.
While many of us get by without a credit card or loans, it can be difficult to move forward with your goals without an established credit profile. If home buying is in your future you will need to make establishing credit a priority. It’s also important to protect your credit during and after a divorce. Make sure your name is not associated with loans, mortgages or credit accounts that are no longer your responsibility. Keep an eye on your credit history to ensure all the information being reported is accurate.
July is the month of Independence Day, July 4th, and I want you to realize that you can gain your independence after divorce, gain freedom over your personal finances and do it without fear!
“Oh, she doesn’t have to be there because I take care of all the finances,” he said.
Did your husband/ex every say something like that?
Were you ever scared or confused because you didn’t understand how to handle your bank accounts?
Did you feel like he was controlling the situation?
Did you ever feel afraid that you couldn’t do it by yourself?
I have thought about this and it wasn’t easy for me to go through the divorce process even when I was the one that had always handled the finances. It was confusing to figure out everything that needed to be done. I wasn’t sure what to do first, next, and onward. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like for someone, perhaps you, that didn’t have my background in finances and accounting experience; someone not understanding what to do in any of the many personal financial situations that we go through during our adult lifetime, much less going through the process of divorce and having to start over alone…..
Are you feeling alone and scared? If you’re anything like me, I was petrified. I had known my ex-husband since we were in junior high school. I had never been alone. When I finally realized that I was alone even though he was in the same room with me, I knew it was time for a change. You can do it because I can help you. Things to think about are:
Initial Steps to Take When Contemplating Divorce
You may feel at a disadvantage starting the divorce process because so often, many women who are contemplating a divorce do not have a clear picture of their marital finances. Since their husband has been handling all of the finances, the wife doesn’t have access to the marital financial accounts.
It is imperative that you gain an understanding of your financial situation prior to engaging in a divorce. Some of the things you will need to do:
Prepare a Marital Balance Sheet –
This is basically a list of where the income comes from along with what costs are required to maintain your household.
Obtain some independence from your spouse moving forward –
It is important to gain some financial autonomy.
Establish your own separate checking account and/or credit card in your NAME
The above steps can be complicated when your spouse has generally been in control of the finances. You may have to do some investigating. Just take it one step at a time. I advise that you go through your financial documents and …..
Put together a comprehensive list of assets and liabilities –
figure out what you own and what you owe
It is very important to make photocopies of financial documents and store and secure them in a safe place —– a friend’s or family member’s home.
Once the divorce process is initiated your attorney is going to need all of the relevant financial documents.
Other things to consider are:
Change your passwords – some people forget their partner could access their bank account through an additional card, online or through phone banking.
Put all your financial documents together so that you get an idea about your living expenses.
Start a budget to help you manage your expenses and to plan your future according to your current situation.
With my background in accounting and personal finance, I know that I can help. In addition to the above things to consider, just remember that you are not in this alone.
Just take it one step at a time.
Remember to just take it one step at a time. If you are not sure where to start, just give me a call and we can discuss it and figure out your NEXT STEPS together. Just know that you are not in this alone. A lot of women our age are going through the same thing.
